- At first we didn’t recognize the holes
As something that was eating his mind
We simply thought his lack of memories
Was a part of growing old
Part of being frail
The birth of feeling alone


But as time meandered I felt alone
My ability to engage his memories
Only led to larger holes
Until I thought I would lose my own mind
And I began to feel so old
So inadequate, so frail


I thought about the old
Grandfather, the one not so frail
And in the recesses of my mind
I conjured up the memories
Of when he wasn’t alone
Of when my heart had no holes


It isn’t caring for him I mind
Or the filling in of his medical and financial holes
It’s knowing that one day I’ll be frail
And I wonder if I’ll be alone
Will I slowly lose my memories
When I am broken and old?


Will I live in a home with curtains frail
Eating Meals on Wheels alone
Sitting in the darkness watching old
Re-runs while mending holes
In my blanket, going out of my mind
Trying to hold onto my memories?


Or will my memories
Be that which make me feel old
Will I reminisce about the past alone
While I launder the frail
Blanket now void of holes
As I piece together the patch-work of my mind


I can only hope that when I’m old and frail
That my memories will be filled with holes
But only of the times my mind raced with fear and I felt alone.


- copyright © 10/13/03